When Molly Kochan was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer, she made a decision that shocked some and inspired many—she left her marriage and dove into a journey of sexual exploration and self-discovery. Her story, brought to life in the FX docuseries Dying for Sex (voiced by Michelle Williams and streaming on Disney+), challenges everything we think we know about sex, sickness and healing.
To help unpack what this means for South African audiences—particularly men—we spoke to Dr. Eve, clinical sexologist and trauma specialist. Her perspective reveals how the series holds a mirror to the taboos and cultural pressures that still shape our relationships with intimacy, illness, and desire.
Sex, Cancer and the Silence in Between
Molly’s story is powerful not because it’s common—but precisely because it isn’t. According to Dr. Eve, while many people quietly think about reframing their sexuality after a diagnosis, few ever find the space to talk about it.
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“Cancer, illness and medication reshape the body and the sexual response cycle,” she explains. “But there’s seldom opportunity for people to discuss sexuality with their healthcare provider—or even their partner.”
The result? Intimacy gets pushed aside and one of the most essential parts of human wellbeing—connection—is lost in the medicalisation of touch.
Why Skin Hunger Is Real—and Deadly
Dr. Eve warns that we underestimate how much physical connection matters, especially for men.
“Men need real-life social contact and real-life intimacy, connection and sexuality,” she says. Without it, they become vulnerable to depression, anxiety and even suicide. The rise of porn, gaming and social media has only deepened this intimacy crisis, as many men retreat from real relationships into virtual ones.
Her advice: “Touch heals. Skin-to-skin connection isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity.”
When Illness Rewrites the Rules of Intimacy
In Dying for Sex, Molly’s husband becomes her caregiver and stops being her sexual partner—something Dr. Eve sees often in her practice.
“It’s not uncommon for caregivers to feel so consumed by fear or grief that they resist intimacy. But couples need to talk about a ‘new normal’—a sexuality that is creative and adaptive.”
For men supporting a sick partner, this means finding ways to stay emotionally and sensually connected, even when the old rules no longer apply.
Shame, Sex and the South African Home
Sex and illness are still shrouded in shame across many South African households. Cultural myths persist—like the fear that you can “catch” cancer through sex or the belief that a woman who can’t perform sexually should expect infidelity.
“These beliefs are deeply entrenched,” says Dr. Eve. “And they’re supported by family and community.”
She notes that divorce rates spike among women with breast cancer. “Breasts are seen as a symbol of femininity. When they’re lost or changed, both the woman and her partner often disconnect from sexual pleasure.”
READ MORE: Can Your Ex Claim Your Pension in a Divorce? Here’s the Law in SA
Trauma, Autonomy, and Orgasm
One of the most startling revelations in the show? Molly had never been orgasmic with a partner. Dr. Eve says that’s a sadly common outcome for women who’ve experienced childhood sexual abuse.
“Survivors often either dissociate from their sexuality completely—or engage in high-risk sexual behaviour,” she says. Molly’s journey is about reclaiming autonomy. “She finally takes control. She chooses when, where, how and with whom. That’s healing.”
What Men Need to Know About Changing Libidos
Men are often taught to see their sexuality as constant—but that doesn’t prepare them for the complexities of a partner’s changing libido due to trauma, illness or ageing.
“Men need to own their sexuality with pride, not shame,” Dr. Eve says. But if that sexuality is driven by anxiety, addiction or a need for control? “That’s a red flag—and it’s time to seek professional help.”
Why Friendship Could Be the Key to Healing
The heart of Dying for Sex is the intimate, platonic friendship between Molly and Nikki. It’s a reminder that not all healing happens in the bedroom.
“Friendship is now recognised as an intimate relationship,” says Dr. Eve. But too often in South Africa, male friendships revolve around sport, bars or online gaming. “Men need deeper, more emotionally open relationships—with each other.”
Dr. Eve’s Message to South African Couples
Whether you’re navigating illness, dealing with disconnection, or confronting shame around sex, Dr. Eve offers this advice:
“Find a way to watch each other’s backs. Find a way to keep each other safe—sexually and emotionally.”
Watch FX’s Dying for Sex on Disney+ South Africa
