We’re going through a sex drought. Don’t believe us? Just check the statistics. A recent study noted a sharp decline from 2009 to 2018 in the number of people engaging in all forms of intercourse. And if new surveys are accurate, that drastic drop shows no signs of changing course.
So why the sudden nosedive? Pundits, researchers and everyone in between have attributed diminishing sex drives to a myriad of factors. From the proliferation of videogames, increased alcohol use, socioeconomic factors and an uptick in sex toy sales, it’s hard to pin down exactly why we’re no longer coupling up in the bedroom at the same rates.
READ MORE: Are You Having the Right Amount of Sex for Your Health?
However, what we do know is that a life without sex can hurt your health. For example, sexually active women have a far lower risk of cardiac events. Some research has found that regular sex can help boost your immune system. Intimacy, even minus the act, has been shown to affect stress positively. And, having sex can lead to more happiness.
And you don’t need to schedule five sessions a week to reap the rewards. Research has found that happiness peaks for couples doing the deed just once each week, and a greater frequency of bedroom activities does not lead to a noticeable mood boost beyond that maiden voyage.
However, you don’t just want to go through the motions. The quality of your bedroom romps matters, too. Not sure where to start? Don’t fret; we’ve got tips to get you back on track and make sure you’re having the best sex ever.
How to Resurrect Your Sex Life
Stuck in a sexual rut? Standing in the face of an insurmountable dry spell in your partnership? It’s all salvageable. And all it takes is three, simple moves to turn an absence into an abundance.
According to Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking, the can start to lose its lustre in a long-term partnership. Ultimately, both of you can start to take sex for granted. Single folk often get repeated doses of excitement in the pursuit itself, while peeps in committed relationships need to be intentional about bringing novelty back into the bedroom.
1. Schedule It
You plan your meals, workouts and more, so why shouldn’t you put sex on the calendar? By carving out time for at least three intimate encounters in your weekly schedule, and exploring new ideas during those sessions (like including sex toys or a new position), you’ll immediately sidestep your current dearth.
2. Talk About It
Lack of communication can quickly snuff out the spark in your relationship, and sex is usually one of the first casualties. Recent research found that couples who argue frequently, i.e., they aren’t avoiding those difficult conversations, were up to 10 times happier than pairs dodging conflict at all costs. Dealing with lingering tension between you and your partner can help bring down the wall in the way of a better sex life.
READ MORE: Can The Pill Lower Her Sex Drive? Your Questions Answered
3. Mix It Up
Familiarity is the enemy of a healthy sex life. Research has shown that—while comfortable—a lack of novelty in your relationship can lead to a sharp decline in sexual arousal. Fortunately, there are a few quick fixes (namely, introducing new positions and toys that will turn every session into something memorable). Try these switch-ups to bring the spark back into the bedroom:
Position #1: The G-Whiz
This pos gives you a good angle to hit your partner’s G-spot (although the verdict is still out whether this fabled zone actually exists). The person being penetrated lays down on their back with their legs resting on their kneeling partner’s shoulders. Need a bit of extra support during your movements? The person being penetrated can try resting their feet on their partner’s chest. Just make sure you start slowly… and use your hands for some bonus stimulation.
Position #2: The Tight Squeeze
If you’re feeling physically drained but still want to put sex on your itinerary, this is the move for you. In this configuration, the penetrating partner takes their partner from behind while lying on top of them (you might know this as the infamous Prone Bone). All you need are gentle movements as even the slightest gyrations can net a glorious sensory overload. The penetratee should lie face-down flat on your chosen surface with their legs together. Just make sure you use your last pit of energy for some foreplay to nix friction and max out pleasure.
Position #3: The Sofa Edge
Want a rapid-fire burst of pleasure without leaving the couch? This pos fits in neatly between episodes during your Netflix and Chill ritual, requiring near-zero effort to net you endless pleasure. Sit down, legs open wide on either side, while your partner straddles you. From this angle you’ll get deep penetration and, yes, the spontaneity your long-term relationship is craving.
Position #4: The Corkscrew
Leg day? Try this position on for size. The person being penetrated lies on their side with their back facing their partner. The penetrating partner stands behind, straddling the other giving them finegrain control of the speed, angle and intensity of their thrusting. The partner lying down can also play an active role by matching their partner’s cadence with their own movements.
READ MORE: 9 Ways to Last Longer During Sex
Bonus: Bring Out the Toys
Tech innovations have armed us with new-age sex toys that can lead to more pleasure than ever. Try out one of these devices to take your lovemaking from dull to dynamic with the push of a button.
We-Vibe Match
This U-shaped vibrator lets you both benefit from its 10 whisper-quiet vibration modes. Bonus, it’s got a remote control to let you scroll through the settings at any point (and from up to 3m away!)
Bunny Rabbit Vibrator
With a slight curve in the shaft, this vibrator will help you pinpoint G-spot stimulation. A separate powerful motor in the “ears” will double-down on the pleasure (for both of you).
Rocks Off Touch Of Velvet
Want a discreet sex toy? This luxe offering is perfect for beginners testing the waters. Don’t be fooled by its pocket-sized stature—it still taps into serious intensity thanks to its powerful motor.
4. Sort Out Your Sex Drive
Never in the mood? There are plenty of ways you could be tanking your sex drive without realising it. Fortunately, the fixes are simple and will benefit you outside of the bedroom, too. The best and fastest way to fire up your engine again? Get enough sleep, eat healthy and make sure you’re notching regular exercise sessions. This trifecta will not only help top up your energy levels, but it can also help reduce stress.
Spoiler alert: stress is the nemesis of a healthy sex life. It can not only affect your libido but can also make it difficult for you to maintain an erection. Besides following our prescription above, experts also recommend paring down your alcohol consumption, supplementing with zinc and quitting smoking.
