There are plenty guys at the gym. This is your spotting guide to every species of gym goer. At least one of these will be painfully familiar.
Grunting, unnecessary weight slamming/throwing, face pulling, snarling and posing in front of the mirror – all combined with general poor manners. Stay well clear of the meathead, for he is a volatile beast.
The Functional Guy
Every exercise resembles a circus act; power cleans on bosu balls are a staple. Be wary of showing interest in his regimen – you’ll end up bored to tears as he explains the virtues of one-legged squats balancing on a protein shaker.
He struts around the gym with his chest out, just waiting to be noticed. Although he “trains” for an hour, he barely breaks a sweat. Easily recognisable, he’s the one who looks the same now as he did last year.
The Treadmill Socialite
You’ll suffer obnoxiously loud phone conversations in which the treadmill socialite will readily detail their weekend plans or messy break-up. Stop listening in and get on with your workout.
The Guy Lothario
The PT who seems preoccupied with picking up a date for the night rather than training clients. Often seen draped over/leaning on machines. Never introduce him to your girlfriend. Or mom, for that matter.
This walking apothecary chooses powders over food. Expect to see scoops of creatine deposited straight onto the tongue, washed down with HyperAnobol5000. There’s a high risk of becoming vomit collateral, so steer clear.
The Varsity Kid
They come in groups of four to seven, gathered around a bench with two of them on the lookout for potential predators. Don’t bother helping these kids out with any useful advice, as they know everything already.
The Yoga Beauty
He contorts himself into all manner of “thought provoking” positions, hoping to distract you from your warm-up or catch the eye of one of the many flexible females in his class. Mind you don’t trip over his pants.