Anilingus goes by many names. Rimming, salad tossing, eating ass, peach munching, eating the booty like groceries, the list goes on. One potential reason why so many of the terms for it are deeply unserious is because the act itself is still widely considered taboo, and carries a stigma linked to homophobia: much like anal sex, which is still deemed “dirty” by some, in both the literal and figurative sense. But it’s probably more common than you think, and not just among gay men.
In 2015, Salon investigated the rise of anilingus and found that, when it comes to oral sex, “Ass is the new pussy.” A year later, a study published in The Journal of Sex Research looked at data from 40,000 married and cohabitating couples. While only 14 percent of those couples reported having anal sex in the last year, 30 percent said they’d enjoyed “anal stimulation,” which might involve fingers, a sex toy, or—in the case of anilingus—licks from a partner’s tongue. A 2019 article in The Tab declared that “If you’re a straight man and you don’t eat ass, you’re weak.”
What does it mean to eat ass, and why are people into it?
“Ass-eating” is something of a misnomer, since you’re not actually eating anything, but rather, using your tongue to stimulate the anus. The sex act should actually be called “ass-licking,” but that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Like other erogenous zones, the anus has a high concentration of nerve endings. Stimulating this area with your tongue can really rev your partner’s engine, and the “taboo” aspect can be a turn-on for the giver and the receiver.
Are you curious how to eat ass? Here’s everything to know about how to eat ass like a pro.
How to Prepare for a Rim Job
Needless to say, you want to make sure that the receiver has a clean butthole before their partner chows down. The good news is that you don’t have to do a full douche or enema before eating ass. That’s because rimming only involves the external part of the anus. If you happen to have a long and slippery tongue, you may be able to get a half-inch in there, but nothing more. You only need to douche if you or your partner are planning on taking a lengthier penis or dildo that gets deeper inside (and even then, douching is never required—but if it makes you feel more comfortable, go for it).
Really, all you need to do is wash the external anal area with some gentle soap and water. “If you’re just getting right down to things, you can do a visual and sniff test and communicate,” says Luna Matatas, a sex and pleasure educator. “Ask your person if they want to get their butthole ready for your mouth or if they need to ‘freshen up.’” If you or your partner own a bidet, that will make prep even easier.
READ MORE: Here’s Everything to Know About Rimming
Even when the receiver is 100% clean and smell wonderful, they might not be able to get over the fear that they still smell or taste a little icky. “After you’ve showered, you can use edible, flavoured lube on your anus,” says Dr. Lee Phillips, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couple’s therapist. This can help make the receiver feel more confident and comfortable. It also tastes yummy for the giver.
Cleanliness isn’t just important for enjoymen;, it’s also necessary to help prevent the transfer of harmful bacteria. “Rimming can run the risk of transferring harmful gut bacteria, like E. coli or salmonella, from the person being rimmed (receiver) to the person doing the rimming (giver),” Matatas says. That’s why you should skip rimming if the receiver has an upset stomach. Having diarrhea or stomach pain could be a sign that they had food contaminated with harmful bacteria.
It’s important to warm up, too. “A lot of people have this perception that they don’t need to do any foreplay with rimming, but just like with every other type of sexual experience, you want to warm up,” Alicia Sinclair, founder and CEO of b-Vibe, says in Men’s Health Best. Sex. Ever.
“Start by teasing the anus,” she says. “Make circles with your tongue, lick it like ice cream, and play with the entire booty. Really get your hands on it. Spank it. Shake it!” Once the receiver is warmed up and ready for more, you can go deeper into the rim job.
“As soon as I relax into it, it’s like getting a full body massage.”
What Does Getting Rimmed Feel Like?
If you’re curious about giving or receiving anilingus, you probably want to know what it feels like before you dive in. We have some ass-eating insight from adult performers Devorah Reine and Ember Fiéra, who offered tips and techniques for eating ass correctly.
“[Rimming has] been a part of nearly every one of my partner scenes,” Reine says. “I feel energy moving up and down my spine and back body from ass eating, as opposed to energy moving up and down my front body from getting head.”
Fiéra is also a fan. “Honestly, if someone is willing to rim me for hours, I will let them,” she says. “It can kind of tickle at first, but as soon as I relax into it, it’s like getting a full body massage.”
READ MORE: 18 Missionary Sex Positions: How to Have Great Missionary Style Sex
What Are the Best Sex Positions for Eating Ass?
You need to find ass-eating positions that are comfortable for both you and your partner. “You want the receiver to be able to relax into the sensations while you’re comfortable giving continuous stimulation for an extended period,” Matatas explains.What Are the Best Sex Positions for Eating Ass?
Doggy style:
The classic go-to position for rimming is doggy style. This is particularly popular among queer men, because after rimming, you’re in the perfect position to have anal sex. Sometimes, angling can be slightly difficult for the giver in that position, at which point the receiver can lie flat on their stomach. That might make it easier for you to spread those cheeks and start licking.
Spread eagle:
Another common position is when the receiver is on their back with their legs spread, or—if they’re an expert contortionist—behind their head. “Use a pillow to prop up their pelvis, so you don’t tire out your neck from that strenuous angle,” says Matatas. You really want to tilt their butthole up, so you can feast like a king.
Face sitting:
“Face sitting is also fun to explore, but [it] can be challenging for both the giver and the receiver,” Matatas says. “Prop up your head with a pillow to bring your face closer to their anus. The person being rimmed can use a bed or a wall to help balance their weight off their knees and thighs.”
Reverse face sitting:
You can also do a reverse face-sit, where the receiver is sitting on your face but they’re facing away from you. They can balance against a headboard or wall, or they can lean forward and rest their elbows on either side of your body.
Anilingus 69:
From the reverse face-sitting position, you can easily transition into anilingus 69 (so they’re performing oral on you while you’re eating their booty). All the person on top has to do is lean all the way forward so they can perform oral sex on the partner who’s lying down. It’s a win-win!
READ MORE: 5 Things Everyone Should Know About Their Butt
What Are the Best Techniques for Eating Ass?
There’s more to rimming than licking. Well, you could just lick—and honestly, you both might enjoy it—but you do have other options if you want to get creative. (You should also ask your partner what they’re into—which goes for any type of sex you’re having.)
Tongue the folds.
“The crinkles of the anus have lots of nerve endings and fill up with blood as the body of the receiver gets more aroused and relaxed,” Matatas says. “Use your tongue to create circles around them.”
Use more than your tongue.
“Try using other parts of your face like your nose or chin,” she says. This is great in case your mouth and tongue start getting tired.
Use a rimming-specific sex toy
“If you want to enhance your experience with rimming, have your partner use a tongue dinger on their tongue. It vibrates their tongue, and it feels incredible,” Phillips says.
Give pleasure to surrounding anal areas.
“Lick the butt crack and use a sex toy or your other hand to stimulate the perineum, lower back, and genitals,” Matatas says.
Try a position where the receiver has control.
Try a position like face-sitting, which gives more power to the receiver; they can move their butt to control where their anus lands on your tongue and chin.
READ MORE: 8 Things You Need To Know About Anal Sex
Experiment with speed, direction, and pressure.
“Allow for consistency and rhythm of one technique before moving to the next,” Matatas says. “Ask the receiver if they want it faster or slower and harder or softer. Use that feedback and adjust to their pleasure.”
Go ahead—let out a moan.
If you’re enjoying eating your partner’s ass, there’s no reason to hide that. “Deep moaning while rimming will create vibration, which can feel really good,” Fiéra says.
Flatten the top of your tongue against their anus.
This creates a larger surface area for your tongue, so your partner gets more wetness and pressure from every lick.
This article originally appeared on menshealth.com
