Butt stuff has officially hit the mainstream. And we’re not just talking about straight-up anal intercourse, either; butt plugs, beads, and other sex toys have introduced new ways to experiment with the back door. But if you’re just dipping your toe into anal play, might we suggest rimming? There’s no risk of potential pain or discomfort here since penetration isn’t required. Some might say it’s the new oral.
Rimming—also commonly referred to as analingus, tossing salad, eating the booty like groceries, butt munching, or eating ass—is basically using your tongue and lips to pleasure your partner’s anus. According to Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, the term stems from the fact that the outer edges of the anus—AKA the rim—are often a focus area for stimulation. But the sky’s the limit here, friends: rimming can also involve swirling your tongue directly on the anus, penetrating it, or just kissing and licking around it.
As for why anyone might want to try rimming—aside from the sheer novelty of it, of course—your butt is packed with nerve endings that are super sensitive, which is why it feels so darn good for many people.
“The sensations are indescribable,” says Dr. Evan Goldstein, author of Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between.
Years ago, rimming may have been considered an uncommon kink—but that’s not really the case anymore. A 2019 survey of over 700 heterosexual adults found that nearly 27% of women and 13% of men have received rim jobs in the last three months—and keep in mind, that’s only the participants who felt comfortable reporting on their extracurricular anal activities.
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Deemed hugely controversial when it was depicted in the 2000 Queer as Folk pilot, rimming has been making more and more pop culture appearances over the years—the ultimate sign that a trend is no longer fringe. Most recently, who could forget that White Lotus ass-eating scene, where a guest walks in on the hotel manager chin-deep in his employee’s backside? You know, the one that broke the Internet?
Lukas Gage, the actor who played the analingus receiver in said White Lotus scene, told Andy Cohen during an interview: “I think ass eating needs to be talked about more.” And we couldn’t agree more.
But before you dive in headfirst (literally), let’s go over some of the basics, shall we?
Can you get an STI (sexually transmitted infection) from rimming?
It’s possible. Hepatitis A, herpes, HPV, syphilis, and gonorrhoea can be transmitted through a rim job, Goldstein says. Hepatitis A is directly spread through faeces, whereas syphilis, HPV (genital warts), and herpes are spread through skin-to-skin contact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). While herpes is usually located in the mouth or genitals, you can also get it on your lower back and buttocks—known as sacral herpes. Oral gonorrhoea can be spread by rimming, too.
There are a couple of things you can do to decrease the likelihood of STI transmission during rimming. First, keep an eye out for cuts or abrasions on the tongue, lips, gums, or rectum. These cuts can become entry points for infection and transmission, the CDC notes.
Second, there’s the option of using a dental dam, Goldstein says. Dental dams are thin, latex or polyurethane sheets used between the mouth and vagina or anus during oral sex. They’re not as easy to find at local corner stores as condoms, but you can pick them up from Planned Parenthood or purchase them online.
What about bacteria from feces (poop)?
“You can get bacterial infections like e.coli and salmonella from rimming,” Goldstein says. “Giardia, a microscopic parasite that is passed through feces, and other parasites can also be transmitted through rimming.”
Luckily, this is pretty easily preventable. The key is washing around your anus with soap and water. But make sure to use antibacterial soap! Also: “Avoid rimming if you or your partner has been sick or is experiencing symptoms of a possible stomach bug,” Goldstein says. That’s because “bad” bacteria usually comes from contaminated food, and most people experience diarrhoea or stomach pain after ingestion. So if your partner’s stomach is upset, they’re more likely to transmit bad bacteria to you through rimming.
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Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to douche or enema to prep for rimming. “Doing an enema is typically for play that goes a bit deeper,” says Alicia Sinclair, a clinical sexologist and CEO of the sex toy company b-Vibe. When you rim, you don’t penetrate the anus. You’re licking the external anus, for the most part. (Perhaps you can get a half-inch inside the anus with your tongue, but that’s really it.) So an enema is not necessary the way it is if you’re being penetrated with a penis or dildo.
How should I prepare for my first time rimming?
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: before you put your tongue or mouth on anyone’s butt, you have to ask for your partner’s consent. Make sure both you and your partner are down to give this a try. “Being able to trust your partner and talk about what does or does not feel good makes a big difference in the experience,” Overstreet says.
If you go down south without asking your partner if it’s OK beforehand, that won’t be fun for anyone. It could even be traumatizing for them. “Shock or discomfort also makes the anal muscles tense up, which means less pleasure for all parties involved,” Sinclair warns.
Once your partner has given you the OK (or you’ve given your partner the OK), you can simply incorporate it into your regular sex session. “If you are the receiver, you can ask your partner while they are giving you oral sex [or a hand job] to back up and stimulate the anal area,” suggests Overstreet.
Sinclair suggests stimulating your own anus to get used to the sensation beforehand. It’s important to figure out what might feel good for you. You can do this using your fingers or with a small butt toy. Be sure to use lots of lube.
How do I give someone a rim job?
You might be wondering: OK, so how do I actually lick this butt now that I’m down here? Start by trying to put your partner at ease, says Sinclair. “Massage around the bum a bit, slowly making your way in towards the anus with gentle movements,” she says. This will help them relax.
Sinclair says one of the best analingus techniques is to “swirl the tip of your tongue in a circle around the opening,” she says. “You can [also] flick the tip of your tongue up and down just over the opening.” Another tip? Try softening the tongue and licking up and down the entire anus, “sort as if you were eating an ice cream cone.”
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Again, communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, and always listen to your partner’s body. “When the receiver gets more aroused, or when you find a move that really works for them, you might notice that the anus relaxes and expands a little bit,” says Overstreet. This is a good sign. It means the body is responding positively to the pleasure.
If you’re receiving, offer feedback about what feels good to you. Overstreet says to breathe into your body, focus on the pleasure, and try to relax as much as possible.
If you find you enjoy it, go forth and experiment! Try rimming on your back, or maybe give facesitting a try. Don’t be afraid to venture into new territory. Sex is fun and we should all get a little creative every once in a while. Otherwise, what’s the point?
From: Men’s Health US
