Hey, Energizer Bunny, be careful what you wish for. Yes, lasting long in bed is the dream of every man. But some men—about 5 percent of the population—experience delayed ejaculation on a regular basis, meaning it can take them over half an hour to get off. That is, if they climax at all. Which could seem fun, until you realize that it’s freakin’ exhausting (not to mention frustrating).
Why Can’t You Get Off?
As you’ve probably experienced on occasion, Captain Jack is one common reason for the occasional failed finale. But for men who have the problem regularly, other issues are usually to blame.
“Some men find it difficult to reach orgasm during activities like vaginal sex or oral sex,” says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “Sometimes it’s due to an unusual masturbation technique, such as rubbing against a bed, which no vagina, hand, or mouth can ever feel like. Some men I’ve met, for example, use vibrators during their masturbation because their hand or other methods just don’t do it.”
Pelvic surgery, antidepressants, spinal injuries, and psychological factors like intense fear of pregnancy can be other causes, Herbenick says.
How She Feels about Marathon Sex Sessions
It can even take toll on your relationship. “It’s assumed that women are supposed to have more difficulty climaxing,” says Herbenick. “So when the man doesn’t, she takes it personally and thinks she’s bad in bed.”
To ease her fears, be blunt: “Explain to her that you’ve had this problem before and that it has nothing to do with her,” says Herbenick. “It can also open up a healthy dialogue about what you both like during sex.”
Chances are that she doesn’t like to experience thrusting for 30, 60, or 90 minutes, either—so it’s OK to stop and try something different. “About 16 percent of women rarely or never orgasm through vaginal sex,” she says. “Discuss alternative ways for both of you to enjoy the act—and be creative.”
Example: Enjoy vaginal sex together, but when you’re both ready for things to end, break out the vibrator—for her and you.
Herbenick also notes that it’s important to see a sex therapist—even more so than if you had premature ejaculation. “While premature ejaculation can usually be fixed with masturbation techniques, delayed ejaculation is often psychological and needs more attention,” she says.