March 14th, what is so special about this day besides it being Pi day which is no doubt being celebrated in schools everywhere? Well somehow as years have gone by and more notable days have been celebrated, some male, somewhere decided that Steak And Blowjob Day was a necessary celebration.
The story goes, according to legend and the first page to come up on a Google search, Wikipedia, that Steak And Blowjob Day is the answer to the pain and suffering that men endure on Valentine’s Day.
The trauma is so bad, in fact, that they had to wait an entire month to have a day that celebrates them. Because, well actually, Valentine’s Day isn’t the celebration of love and healthy relationships, but rather, purely about women and teddy bears and roses.
Nevertheless, the unofficial Male’s Valentine’s Day which is celebrated passionately by a bunch of single men who will most probably end up eating a steak alone on the couch is here. Yay.
And we’re here to say that if you need a day to get steak and a blowjob, then you should probably consider that you’re to blame.
While some women just aren’t interested in fellatio, your partner may be fine with it—but you could be killing her desire to go down below. Below are five things you do that turn her off to oral sex.
Oh… And Happy Steak And Blowjob Day
1. You Get Handsy
“When a guy pushes his partner’s head down during oral sex, that’s the biggest complaint I hear from women,” says Ava Cadell, a doctor of human sexuality and author of NeuroLoveology. Despite what you see in porn, a lot of women aren’t cool with you working her head like it’s a football and you’re running a play-action fake. Instead, “Give her compliments on how good she is at giving oral and how beautiful she looks while she is doing it,” Cadell advises.
2. You Fail To Provide Notice
Few women enjoy having an unexpected surprise launched into the back of their throats. “It’s polite to ask a lady if she enjoys swallowing and to give her some notice before ejaculating,” says Cadell. If your partner’s not interested in sampling your sperm, ask if you can finish on her body somewhere, Cadell suggests. (Repeat: her body, not her face.) “Don’t assume she’ll love whatever you want to do with your semen,” Cadell adds.
3. You Don’t Reciprocate
A lot of men think they’re entitled to oral, but that they’re under no obligation to return the favour. Wrong, Cadell says. If you’re not heading downtown with regularity, don’t expect her to either, she says.
Related: How To Ace Going Down On Her
4. You Neglect Proper Grooming
Pubic hair traps unpleasant odours, Cadell says. Sporting a full nest also isn’t the most attractive look in the world—for men or women. (Refer to 1970s porn for examples.) “A little trim or even a total shave will give her better access that looks and smells more appealing,” Cadell explains.
5. You’re Too Slow
If it takes you 10 minutes or more to orgasm from oral, your partner may shy away from that type of marathon fellatio. More foreplay before the act can help you finish quickly. Or, if she’s been down there for a while, give her a break by masturbating or telling her to masturbate while you watch, Cadell suggests.