So, your lady is using sex toys. We can see how this might feel threatening—like she’s replacing you with a better, battery-operated alternative. But if she’s really into her vibrator, it doesn’t mean she isn’t getting enough from you. Over half of women have used sex toys, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, so there’s a good chance she’s got one stashed somewhere in her drawer.
Since not all toys are created equal, her toy-of-choice can provide insight into what she really wants from you. Learn these six lessons from her sex gadgets, and you’ll soon be irreplaceable.
1. The Classic Vibrator
A good vibrator is like a Volvo: dependable, powerful, and a reliable way to get from point A to point O. “If she’s using something electric, then you know she’s definitely into the power,” says Sadie Allison, Ph.D., author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris. Allison says women are attracted to the variety in a classic multispeed vibrator: She can speed up, slow down, and vary the pressure until she’s right there.
The takeaway: It’s not all about hitting one speed. Start slow and easy before you rev up and build toward climax. You can diversify your intensity, too, by alternating between hard-and-fast pumps and the slow-and-gentle kind.
READ MORE: 4 Ways To Use Sex Toys Together
2. The Bullet Vibe
If she’s using a bullet vibrator—one of those small, thumb-sized vibes shaped like a bullet shell—then she’s definitely targeting her clitoris. Crammed with thousands of nerve-endings, the clitoris is a one-way ticket to orgasm, so it’s not surprising that lots of women focus here. Similarly, she might be using a vibe like Jimmyjane’s Form 3 or the Minna Limon, which are shaped to cover the clitoris and the surrounding area.
The takeaway: Rather than going straight to thrusting, spend some time giving TLC to her clitoris. Try warming her up with a little clitoral play, and move into sex positions that hit her C-spot, like woman-on-top or missionary with your hips tilted forward.
3. The Rabbit
Named for their two-pronged bunny-ear shape, rabbit vibrators are designed to hit two spots at once—like Lelo’s Soraya dual-action vibrator, which stimulates both the clitoris and the G-spot simultaneously. These are the Ferraris of sex toys: they have all the power of a classic vibe, with twice the intensity.
The takeaway: Bring it to the next level by stimulating more than one spot at a time. If your lady is using her toy both internally and externally, it’s a sign to “pay more attention to her needs and focus on giving her pleasure all over her body,” says Kathryn Catney, a representative from Lelo. During oral sex, use your tongue to hit her clitoris while your fingers find her G-spot; during intercourse, enter from behind while you reach around to push her pleasure button.
4. The Dildo
Sometimes, sex toys are straightforward, like the dildo. Typically large and phallic-shaped, it’s the closest thing to a “replacement penis” out there. But before you get huffy about being swapped for a synthetic lookalike, remind yourself that the girl who uses a dildo likes the same type of equipment you already have. The difference? She can control it. “If she has a dildo, that means she really likes penetration,” says Allison. Look closely at her dildo of choice, Allison says—specifically, the size and the shape.
The takeaway: If her dildo is pornstar-huge, don’t get a bruised ego. This could just be an indication that she likes super-deep penetration—and that’s a win-win for both of you.
No matter the size, let her be in charge of controlling the thrusts. That way, she can maneuver you around just how she likes.
5. Arousal Oils
There are sex toys, and then there are sex oils. We’re talking about the tingling, tantalizing gels and lubes that can take pleasure up a notch by making her ultra-sensitive down there. A woman who puts this much effort into the preparation definitely enjoys a big payoff in the end.
The takeaway: Don’t skimp on the foreplay. Whether it’s giving her oral or manual stimulation or just playing with the oils themselves, make sure her engine is hot before you start. Plus, it goes without saying that everything feels better when it’s slippery—so wait until she’s all lubed up before anything else.
6. Sex Toys for Couples
If she’s already using solo sex toys, she’ll likely love trying them with a partner—a.k.a. you. “Men are becoming more open to using toys in the bedroom, and surprisingly more couples than singles tend to buy our products,” says Catney. According to a 2014 survey by Lelo, 72 percent of sex toy owners use them with their partners.
The takeaway: Find a favorite toy to use together.